Operation C 4 Yourself – TABLE OF CONTENTS

Chapter 1

Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12



Epilogue- OperationC4yourself


“I’m writing a book,” I told Scott Gordon, almost a year after my infiltration, “about what really happened when I got caught.”

I’d often wondered why they let me go.  Surely it must have been my suicide threat…

“Oh – by the way. Now that enough time has passed, I guess I will send you the e-mail I wrote to the CoS attorney, Gary Soter – you can put that in your book.” Scott told me.

“I never knew you sent him any email,” I said. “What did you write?”

“Oh, yeah… I’ve been very quiet about that, but I’ll send you a copy,” he said.

A few days later I got a copy of his letter. I read it. With curiosity I looked at the date and gasped.  It was dated June 5, the same day they announced at the end of all of this, they were letting me go back to Florida.


05 June 2013

Gary S. Soter

Legal Representation – Church of Scientology Western United States

re: Yuliya Keaton (also known as, Lia Kea)

bcc: limited personal and confidential distribution

To Mr. Soter:

This is a communication acknowledging receipt of your e-mail and to inform you of the following:

1) Some months ago, Yuliya Keaton made me aware of her intention to conduct an investigation into your organization, of which I was once a member, with the primary intention of recording and documenting and exposing any Human Rights abuses observed.

2) I advised Yuliya to be cautious and not to do anything illegal.

3) Other than receiving an occasional report from her, I had nothing to do with her preparations or final decision to carry out her mission.

4) Yuliya represented to me when asked, that she had no family in the country. I was concerned, and suspected that she would be pursuing her mission on her own. I therefore became anxious for her personal safety, given my own personal experience with the organization, and numerous reports of abusive treatment of Sea Org members deemed to be unworthy of regular service (which service is already under serious question, as far as compliance with basic human rights).

5) I gave Yuliya my phone number, and she in turn, entrusted me with her e-mail account and its password. This gave me ongoing access to anything she stored on that account, even though I only made use of that access reluctantly, and on very few occasions.

6) Yuliya asked me to view the data she was uploading, in the form of photos and videos. I asked her whether she was expecting me to disseminate this information in any way, and she told me no, that I should only keep the material safeguarded, and that she might use it later, for writing her own articles and reports of her experiences.

7) I respected Yuliya’s wishes as outlined above, and only downloaded information because she seemed to want me to read it, and for her to know it was being safely backed up.

8) I had very little personal interest in the data – most of which was familiar to me from my experiences years earlier in the exact same location, under training as an intelligence officer for the church, allowing me to have already viewed each and every one of the secret documents included in the materials Yuliya was uploading to her e-mail account.

9) I am not currently part of any group or organization that would be interested in the information Yuliya allowed me access to.

10) I have never forwarded or transferred any of the data available to me through Yuliya, to any other person, group, location or computer, and only one of my own computers was used to access this information.

11) For my own protection and reference, because of your demand to destroy the photos of documents in my possession, I have taken summary notes of the data that is being removed from my computer, in order to document what was removed. Additionally, I reserve the right to retain these notes and to comment on them in the future as I deem appropriate. As a further comment, most of the information I have viewed had already been leaked to the public domain.

12) I have no interest in keeping, nor reason to retain, any of the photos of documents of your organization photographed by Yuliya. In the spirit of cooperation and acting in good faith, I am eliminating from my computer, all such photos of all of these documents, including but not limited to, the private correspondence of organization staff, and your internal Flag Orders written by the founder.

13) I have no interest in or intention of, sharing any of Yuliya’s private property (photos not including documents for which copyright may be claimed) with any other party, other than for possible presentation to law enforcement should any concern for her safety arise. I reserve the right to hold these documents in trust, until such time as I become convinced that Yuliya is safe, and not being held against her will, and when she, herself, demonstrates clearly that she is in agreement with any such elimination of what I consider to be her personal property.

14) Due to size of files and time considerations, I did not download more than one or two videos and in any case, never viewed any of them. I am eliminating the one video currently in my collection.

15) I am accustomed to one-party recording rights, under Texas law. If California law is different, and if this law was violated in her 5 recordings of private conversations with her recruiter, you will please cite this law and I will be happy to erase those conversations, as well. Otherwise, I consider these private property of Yuliya, and I remain committed to include safeguarding these for her future disposition.

16) Due to the fact that Yuliya apparently does not have family to turn to for support, I have voluntarily become her de facto temporary guardian, and therefore feel obligated to monitor her whereabouts and condition, until such time that I am convinced that she will remain safe, and is not being held against her will.

17) Accordingly, I will need to be convinced of her safety within the next 72 hours, or anytime up to my final decision to report, or I will otherwise be filing a ‘Missing Persons’ report with the FBI and/or other appropriate law enforcement, accompanied with all of the material retained in my possession for the purpose of assisting them in their investigations.

18) Again, I will need to hear directly from Yuliya herself, on any changes to our pre-arranged disposition of her private property. I will also as mentioned, want to hear her voicing directly to me, her own decision to actually remain (or not) with your organization as contracted Sea Org staff.

19) I am also open to speaking with any of the following persons representing your church. Do not expect me to willingly receive communication from you or any other person than the following:

-International Justice Chief of the Church of Scientology International or any of his/her representatives (nor deputies of the office) only as follows:
-Commanding Officer OSA International (giving full name, rank and current post status)
-Commanding Officer OSA West US – Wayne Carnahan
-External Security Chief OSA West US – Beth McKinley

You may of course, continue to keep me informed of your official requests, and relay me information in writing, through e-mail communications.

20) Please understand that whatever arrangements may be worked out with any of the above representatives of the church, I am going to have to hear from Yuliya herself. If Yuliya is not freely and willingly joining the Sea Organization as a result of her own free decision, than by your own written policies, you must let her go, immediately.

21) Despite your hostile and accusative demand letter, and presumption of authority over my voluntary association with one of your problem staff, at this point I remain amenable to working with you and the church towards a conclusion satisfactory to all concerned, with particular attention to the personal safety of Yuliya and the free exercise of freedom of choice on the part of Yuliya Keaton, herself. At this point I have no reason or intention to go public with any of this information (despite personal suffering enduring an enforced disconnection with my [now divorced] wife in Costa Rica, due to church policies, over which I do reserve the right to go public).   My amenable and cooperative disposition could change at any point I feel that Yuliya’s Human Rights or my Human Rights, are not being respected and upheld in this process.


Scott Gordon






Chapter 12 – “You Are Going Home”

“Go home, get your kids back, and be a mom! That’s the most rewarding job, ever!”- Scientology Security personnel

Daughney and I were sitting in the lobby. I got permission to use the computer. Finally I was able to reset my password and to log in to my Facebook. Not only all my messages were gone, but I suddenly found myself being blocked by many people and locked out of many groups – even my own.

Doughney indifferently looked at the screen.

“A friend wants to know if OSA is trying to recruit me,” I told her, reading a new message that suddenly emerged in the chat.

“Of course not,” she said.

“Of course not,” I obediently wrote back, “I’m possibly getting sued.”

I knew most Sea Org members don’t know much about the Internet and computers. In fact, they think that half of the world are Scientologists already, and all they do is watch their commercials all day long.

Daughney had some experience with computers, and knew what she needed to know related to her post, but that’s all she knew.


Taking advantage of the fact that she did not know much about forums and boards, I made a post on the Ex-Scn Message Board, trying to duplicate the affidavit I wrote the best I could (I did not have my copies at that time) and titled it, “Please Read but Don’t Reply Here,” hoping to get my message across. “Don’t post the damn videos and docs yet till I’m out! (You know who you are).”  But when I checked replies a few hours later, nobody had taken it seriously.  I did not delete my post, just in case, sitting and hoping for some sign or a message that everything was in a safe place.

“Well, now everybody knows you got busted. You went to Facebook, did whatever you had to do to convince them it’s really you, and now all of Facebook knows you are in this hotel. Am I right?” Kirsten asked me when she saw me by the computer in the hotel lobby.

She has not checked ESMB yet, I thought.

“Our computer people are monitoring ESMB, WWP and Facebook very closely,” she told me. “None of your videos or pictures have been linked yet. We will wait. We have plenty of time.”

I knew that if some videos were linked, it wouldn’t be something that I recorded while I was on staff.  My EPF videos were gone for good.

“So, what are you going to do with me?” I asked. “Are you going to keep me here until everybody will return stolen docs? What if they will never return them?”

“I don’t know,” Kirsten said. “You will go home, eventually. We just need some information from you. You really have to cooperate with us. So far we have been treating you with courtesy and respect.”

What is that supposed to mean? I thought.  From now on they won’t treat me with courtesy and respect?

“I have an important hearing coming up about my kids. If I you make me to miss that hearing, I will drop my body.” I made the threat.

[‘drop a body’ – die; suicide]

“I would not recommend doing that,” Kirsten said with amazing TRs. “Even if your parental rights were to get terminated, one day your kids will grow up and will be 18, and then no law in Florida can stop them from living wherever they want to live and if they want, they can live with you! And you still can have a relationship with them! When is your hearing?”

“June the 7th,” I said.

“That’s not the end of the month, as I had thought. That changes things!”

Kirsten suddenly had to go to the meeting and left me with Security lady, who did everything she could to keep ARC with me that would prevent me from dropping my body.

[‘ARC’ – the interaction of Affinity, Reality and Communication]

“Your kids need you,” she said. “Your daughter really needs you. She is seeing a shrink and on ADHD medications. You need to do whatever you can to get her out of foster care and get her off those meds! And quit this spy business, please. Don’t infiltrate anymore churches – it’s too dangerous. Go home, get your kids back, and be a mom! That’s the most rewarding job, ever!”

I could not agree with her more. I began showing her Facebook pictures of my kids. She sounded very sincere when she complimented them. I clicked on some of my YouTube videos, wondering if she really thought they were so cute, or was it just an act. She seemed to be enjoying it.

Then she got a text message and left, leaving me by myself. I logged in to ESMB and read comments on my post. I replied to some. There were no indications from anybody who could possibly download the videos before the computer guy deleted them.

“Okay, we are done here,” Kirsten said when she returned. “You are going home!”

“What?!” I asked, “No Sec Check?”

“No, you are going home.”

I sighed with relief.  Since I found out I’d flunked the question, I no longer had a certainty I could pass another Sec Check easily. “Here are the copies of your affidavits. You can stay in your room – it’s still paid up.”

She took Kendrick Moxon’s business card and wrote her e-mail address on it.

“Here – in case you remember something that can help us.”

I automatically took the card and put it in my purse.

“Do you have enough money for a plane ticket?” she asked.

I had money she had given me for my cameras and a scanner and some money saved up for the time I worked in Sea Org. I was going to ask her for more, but changed my mind.

“The airport shuttle stops right there. We don’t see any reasons to keep you here any longer. Girls have already left.”

They left? When? I asked myself. Just like that, without even saying ‘good bye’? Just when I began making a connection with them?

Wondering what made her change her mind, and if my suicide threat had anything to do with it, I went to my room to pack my luggage.

I still could not believe I was free to go. I have to get out of here fast, I thought. Before they change their mind.

When I opened the door, I almost stepped on some papers that somebody must have stacked under the door. I picked them up, and saw it was a room service bill with Moxon’s name on it. It had all the phone numbers of calls that were made from my room.

Good! I thought. At least now I have proof that all this nightmare was not just my imagination.

While packing my stuff, I noticed something shiny at the corner of a dresser. As I came closer, to my dismay I realized it was my necklace, with the pendant in the shape of infinity.


(room bill)

Chapter 11 – “We’re Not Terminating Your Rights… Yet…”

“I’m stuck here with no money, no phone and no way to get to Florida! I can’t make it to the court!”

I went to my room and began dialing all the numbers I could remember. Nobody was picking up and I was not very comfortable leaving messages. I called and talked to my youngest daughter who lived with her dad, and called a few friends but did not tell anybody I was being held in the hotel. I was not sure if I would make this matter worse by doing so. I tried to call my dependency case lawyer, but he was not in his office.

I had no idea when my next court date would be. PI said it was going to be the end of June; I guess he knew more than I did.

While I was in the Sea Org, I sent my kids eight letters and called my caseworker many times, all unsuccessfully. I guess she’d already made up her mind about not reunifying my kids with me.

I also sent my kids many presents that I ordered from amazon.com and e-bay, but she never confirmed that she received them. Just before I went to California, I stopped by the office and dropped off bicycles for my kids, and lots of other things that they never received. Last time I spoke to her, she finally admitted she had a tablet that I sent my son for his birthday, but said that she would keep it in her office because she’d lost my charger and so could not check it out to see if there was anything inappropriate on it.

Even after a long discussion about it, she still never gave my kids their presents. Last I spoke to her, she denied ever getting any letters I’d sent for the kids. She would not let me talk to my kids, and that was against our verbal agreement that I would be able to stay in touch with them by phone.

HCO knew I had kids, but they thought they all lived with their father, which is what I wrote in my life history when I joined the Sea Org.

I was actually surprised when the fitness board almost did not let me join when they found out I had kids. “What about your duty as a mom? Your kids are so young. You should not leave them.” That statement had shocked me. I had gotten used to hard sales and hard recruiting methods. I promised the fitness board that I would call my kids often, and stay in touch with them as much as I could.

[‘fitness board’ – panel of Sea Org members empowered to decide on the suitability of a person for continued performance as a Sea Org member]

They would allow me to make phone calls while I was on the EPF to check on my kids, but in over two months my caseworker spoke to me less than five times – even though I was calling her several times a day – often skipping my meals to do so.

I left her many messages, but not of them were returned. It seemed to me that she would not pick up her phone on purpose, seeing my number on her caller ID.

She was the last person who I wanted to talk to, but she was the only one who knew my court date.

This time, to my own surprise, she picked up right away.

“Sorry for not calling you for so long,” I said. “I got robbed and my phone was stolen. Please, don’t call that phone number or send any messages there!”

“But how am I supposed to get in touch with you?” she sounded very aggravated. “I was trying to call you to tell you that your court date was rescheduled. It’s June the 7th. You really need to be there!”

“I can’t be there!” I cried, “It’s already the 4th, and I’m in California, and since you guys are terminating my rights anyway, can’t I just appear by phone? I’m stuck here with no money, no phone and no way to get to Florida! I can’t make it to the court!”

I wondered if I should tell her the truth about the infiltration, but decided it would hurt my case even more. She already thought I was crazy for going to California while Edwin was still in jail.

“We are not terminating your rights on that date yet – it’s not a trial. You will have your trial date later, but if you don’t show up that day, we will terminate them right there – just for not showing up!” she said furiously, and hung up on me.

My jaw dropped.

That was the same caseworker who had told me earlier that my parental rights would be terminated anyway, no matter what I do, and the only reason I should complete my case plan is because it’s the law. I asked her if she honestly thinks I had any chance to get my kids back and she said no, “I would rather place them with their father, and I would if he was not in jail, but it’s not up to me – it’s up to the judge. You still should complete your case plan, though, just to make you feel better – that you at least, tried. All you can do is try.”

That’s exactly what she told me before I went to California, when I came to her, hoping she would say something to talk me out of leaving Florida.

And now she is telling me that I still have a chance? Isn’t that what she just said? Was I making this up? Did our conversation mean she’d already made up her mind, but that she just wanted to make sure I had a fair trial because that’s the law, or did she just say they might not terminate my rights if I came back to Florida? I was asking myself that question over and over, and could not figure out the answer.

I called my (still-legally) husband, Joe. “Can you go to Florida and foster my kids?” I asked. “Please! I’m here being held in a hotel and won’t be able to make it to court!”

“I practically raised your kids,” he said. “I was even going to adopt them, till I realized you are the one who should be trying to get them out. You have your priorities messed up. You can’t just run around the world like some double-O-seven and expect others to raise your kids – I already told you that. You should have never gone to California!”

He hung up on me. I was surprised that he took this opportunity to lecture me about my values at a time like this.

I called him again.

“Sorry, I can’t help you,” he said. “You should have thought about it before you went to play spy. If you’re being held against your will, call the police, I’m not the police. Don’t call me unless you want to talk to your daughter.”

He was right. What was I thinking?

I recalled the face of my oldest son when I told him I was going away, and felt like sh##. “You are ruining my life!” were the last words he told me before I left.

I’d met my first husband, Edwin, while doing my re-entry Sea Org program and paying my freeloader debts. He was a single father with three little kids who’d begun calling me “Mom” as soon as they met me. My plan had been to recruit them all to the Sea Org – into the Cadet Org.

[‘Cadet Org’ – the organization for children who are allowed into the Sea Org as part of the recruitment of a family]

His younger daughter was five, and so I would have to wait a little. While I was waiting, I got pregnant with my own first son, then a second. I paid off all my freeloaders debts and did everything I could to stay on Scientology lines and actively disseminated it to Edwin and his kids. When my first son was three months old, we got married and then had my second son.

[SG note – Edwin is an abusive serial womanizer with sociopathic tendencies. He is currently under sentencing for committing a violent crime in the state of Florida. His relationship with Lia was characterized by manipulation of her expired-visa immigrant status and continuous anonymous calls to police, to keep Lia in enough trouble to compel her continued dependency on him and utilize her services as a housewife to care for his children]

In 2003 Edwin got a divorce behind my back by hiding all my mail so that I wouldn’t find out that he’d filed for divorce and I needed to go to court. A few weeks later I found out that he’d gotten remarried while we were still living together. One day he just took kids to church and when he came back, the kids told me he’d gotten married. My stepdaughter told me she fainted at the wedding. I moved out and went to live with friends who helped me to get a job. He got custody of my sons by lying his butt off, and I was ordered to pay child support. But in just two weeks he brought them back to me, begging me to take care of them because his new wife had left him and had flown back to Argentina, and he had to work and did not have anybody else to watch the kids.

We did not reconcile right away, but after the day my neighbors saved my son from drowning in the apartment complex pool, where he was found alone because his father was not watching him.

I could not take the kids and leave. I was at that time an illegal immigrant with no way to support my family, so I had no choice but to return and take care of my kids.

We ended up having a daughter after that.

In 2006 I met Joseph through an on-line poetry club. We were fiends for a while, until he moved to Florida.

I got an injunction against Edwin based on numerous domestic violence incidents, and the police removed all his kids and placed mine with me and Joe, and the older kids went to live with their mother. Then Joe and I had another child. We got married when our daughter was four months old.

Everything was fine for a while, until I discovered many websites and blogs where former Scientologists were sharing their stories. I got hooked.

I met many people I had known in the church, and turned it into a full-time job locating Scientologists I used to know, and convincing them to leave the church. I was getting messages from all over the world, and tried to be there for everybody. I did not have Internet at home, so I had to go to the library everyday. Joe quit his job to watch my kids, and could not understand why it was so important for me to go to the library all of the time. He thought I was on something or having an affair. In addition to that, Edwin would not leave us alone and would call police on us with the most wild accusations he could think of.

Finally, Joe and I got separated. He took his daughter and went to Michigan.

I lived in a homeless shelter with three kids for a while, then got a job, got an apartment, and for over a year I kept a roof over my kids’ heads all by myself, with no child support or anybody else helping. I was very proud of myself, the kids did well in school, and everything was well.

But then I got Internet service and got hooked on the blogs and forums again, helping people to leave Scientology, and sending them links to read. I was personally responsible for several people who left or did not join the Sea Org, just because I talked them out of it.

Meanwhile however, my kids were becoming more or less neglected. My first wake-up call was when my daughter’s teacher told me that my daughter asked her to adopt her, and then my son told his friends that his mom cared more about Scientologists than her own kids.

I decided to start spending more time with them, and trips to the nearby Sea World and Disney World, became the main opportunities for time we needed to bond. But even then I would not stop my social networking. Sometimes I would take kids to Disney, and let them go on rides while I talked on the phone or sent text messages. I did that everywhere. I also lost two jobs over that, but I thought those people needed me.

[SG – now if you will, picture a “stalker” who is under an injunction against being in physical contact with Lia, but is still driven by a ruthless obsession for regaining control over her by hiding in bushes, making videos of their children for “evidence,” and coordinating anonymous calls to police and family services (obligated to investigate every single anonymous tip alleging “child abuse”) and immigration authorities – all being done at the cost of Florida taxpayers – all told, over a period of several years – easily costing the public over a million dollars!]

Edwin found out where I lived, and began calling police on me everyday, reporting the kids being home alone. He was told many times by police that there was no the law in Florida about how old kids should be to stay alone, but he would not stop calling. I had an injunction against him, but he would violate it over and over, showing up at my door any time he wanted, and seeing the kids while I was at work. He got my oldest son a job at the Dollar Store, due to his connections with the manager, and each time my son would come to work, he knew nobody would be at home watching the younger kids.

When my kids got removed, my previous caseworker planned to return them back to me, and I cooperated toward the reunification.

Then I went to the court-appointed therapist who found out I was a Scientologist, and we spent many counseling sessions arguing about my beliefs. I was trying to prove to her that the cult of Scientology was bad, but that the religion was not as evil as she thought, and finally she discharged me from counseling and made a very unfavorable recommendation, based on the fact that I told her I was planning to go to California.

My new caseworker planned to place kids with Edwin, not taking into consideration his numerous kidnappings and refusing to pay child support for many years. Based on my counselor’s report, it was clear that she had decided my kids would be better off with him.

I then felt I had no choice but to cancel the injunction protecting me from him, so I could see my kids after their father got custody. I went to his house, and decorated the kids’ rooms. We worked out a deal, since he owed me a lot of child support, that I wouldn’t have to pay any to him, and even if my rights were to get terminated, I would still get to come over and see the kids any time I wanted.

I thought I was making an unselfish decision giving up all my rights like I was, just to get them away from the control of the State. Like, instead of cutting the kids in half, the parent who loved them the most should give them to the opposite party. All that State involvement in my kids’ life was not doing them any good. Police had to investigate all reports, false or not, and to put kids through the continued and repeated embarrassment of those investigations. My kids had to live with being bullied at school after numerous visits from the department, when strangers would come to school, calling the kids to the nurse’s office, and removing their clothes to show they don’t have any marks. Police would show up at my home, separate the kids into different rooms, and question them about allegations of abuse. The kids were devastated. They wished their father would stop.

At least, this way, he would stop all this. He would not call the police on himself or kidnap the kids from himself and it would make their life easier, I reasoned.

Edwin knew I was planning on going to California to “infiltrate the cult.” In fact, he was all for it. He even helped me prepare, and drove me to Tampa several times so I could take some courses at the Tampa Ideal Org.

[‘Ideal Org’ – a new invention of Scientology management that calls for a size and structure of church to supposedly service the coming waves of waves of anticipated public ]


Then just a few weeks before reunification, Edwin went to see his girlfriend even though she’d already told him hundreds of times she did not want to see him, and asked him thousands of times to leave her alone.

That night he called me from the hospital telling me he was getting arrested and charged with an attempted murder.

Later I found out from his friends that he stabbed the ex-girlfriend’s boyfriend with a knife, several times.

That was the last straw. I packed my suitcase and left.


And now, when I’m in California,that same caseworker who practically drove me to leaving, was telling me a different story.

Out of desperation I called my friend Jean Marie, my former neighbor who’d always wanted to be my kids’ godmother.

“Listen,” I said as soon as she picked up. “I can’t get out of California right now – I’m in some sort of trouble and I need more time. Call my caseworker and tell her you want to foster my kids, or at least my daughter. You don’t really have to foster them, but it will buy me more time if they temporarily place them with you.”

She said, she would. She sounded sleepy though, as if she’d just gotten out from the night shift in the hospital. I had doubts that she even understood what she just committed to.

I needed a different plan.


Chapter 10 – “Give Us Somone We Can Sue!”

 “There is no profit in suing you,” Moxon said. “Just a waste of time. You don’t have any money. You work at McDonalds!”


I still had doubts about the meaning of “reluctantly,” and told Doughney that I needed to look it up, so we went to hotel lobby to use the computer. It did not mean “without knowing what it was!” It meant “with hesitation, doubt or dread.” They tricked me again! I expected it from Moxon, but I thought Kirsten had more dignity.

Since I was near computer, I tried to log in to my Facebook, to see if my friends list was set to “public,” but my old password did not work.

“Did you guys hack my Facebook?” I asked.

Daughney looked at me shocked, “No, that’s illegal!”

I asked Kirsten the same question. “Probably one of your ‘friends’ did, she said. But even if you gave them your password, they have no right to change it and lock you out of your own account!”

I tried and tried to log in to Facebook until I ran out of tries. There was no way somebody could log in from my cellphone, because I’d called my phone provider and canceled that service.

“So, now what?” I asked Kirsten. “What are you going to do with me? Are you guys going to arrest me? I don’t care! Go ahead, send me to prison! By the time I’m out my kids will be out of the system and they can live with me!”

“Why do you want to go to prison?” Kirsten asked. “Robin Scott went to prison. He is on your friends list, and now everybody thinks he is so cool. Is he helping you, too?”

“No,” I said. “Robin Scott does not care about the church – he is into yoga now.”

“Are you just trying to be cool?” Kirstin asked. “Do you think going to prison is very cool?”

“Mary Sue Hubbard went to prison,” I said, “and nobody thinks she is cool – she even did not have a proper funeral!”

Kirsten did not answer.  I asked her, “So, are you going to sue me?”

“There is no profit in suing you,” Moxon said. “Just a waste of time. You don’t have any money. You work at McDonalds!”

I never thought I had a good job, but I never was ashamed of working at McDonald’s either. But the way he said it, made me feel at the “bottom of the food chain.”

“Give us somebody we can actually sue! With all these lies you told us we can’t even make a good case. Tell us something to help us!” Moxon cried out.

“Can I talk to DM?” I asked.

“No, you can’t! Here is what I think,” Kirstin began, “Maybe you told us the truth and all those people did not send you directly, but they are still responsible for you being here, in some way. I made a time line that shows that it all started when you started reading posts on ESMB. Then you started reading Marty’s blog, and after that you got involved with independent Scientologists. Then Debbie Cook wrote her letter, and you got very enturbulated. Then Karen de la Carriere wrote her letter, and you got even more enturbulated, and then you decided to infiltrate the church! They are all responsible for enturbulating you! Maybe they all did that on purpose!”

Is she serious? I thought to myself, trying to keep a strict expression on my face. Making all those people responsible for me is like suing JK Rowling if your kid got hurt while trying to fly on a broom stick!

“Can we use this in court?” Kirsten asked Moxon.

“I will look into this, but I don’t think we can.” He said.

“How did you find out about Debbie Cook’s letter? Did she e-mail it directly to you?” Kirsten asked.

“No, I was not even on her list,” I said, “She e-mailed it to people in good standing! I was already SP-declared by that time. I found out about it on Facebook – everybody was sharing it.”

“I see. What about Karen de la Carriere? How did you find out about her letter? Did she send it to you?”

“Nope. Facebook, again,” I said.

“Come on, give us something! We are just wasting time here. At least tell us what to do to prevent any future infiltrations. You already told me that all the Captain’s stats and BPs were unprotected; we will change that. You told us you copied the documents in front of everybody and nobody noticed. We will do a lot of obnosis drills from now on. Anything else that could be useful?” Kirsten asked, and I thought right then it could be a good opportunity to show her all the outpoints in the Sea Org, but I was not sure it was safe.

[‘BP’ – battle plan – their paramilitary designation for one’s “to-do” list]
[‘outpoints’ – items in need of correction]

Maybe I should give them real ways to do real ‘flaps and handlings’? I thought.

[‘flaps’ – disasters, emergencies and mistakes that require correction]

“You told Yuliya that public want David Miscavage replaced,” Kirsten said. “Who do they want instead of him? Marty Rathburn? Mike Rinder?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Who do you think should replace him?”

I was not sure if she asked me that because she really wanted to know my opinion, or was just trying to figure out who “sent” me. “I don’t think Marty or Mike would want DM’s post,” I said. “They are doing pretty well right now, outside of the church. They have families. They would not go back to the church even if you paid them.”

“So, who do you think should replace Chairman of the Board?”

I thought of Debbie Cook, but decided not to drag her into this mess.

“What about people who are already in the Sea Org?” Kirsten asked.

I thought of James Burns. He was the first to introduce the Evaluation Series to us, and drill it on the EPF. Then I remembered the story he told us how he went to the Mission and canceled tea time for all British staff members until they got their stats up, and how they got into Affluence in a few days just to get their tea time back, and I changed my mind. I thought of Andy Cook, the Captain’s Deputy. He could make a good leader if he was not so strict and making people shiver just by glancing at him. “I don’t know too many people…” I said. “Somebody ethical.”

“Okay. I have a message from Eugene to you, saying, ‘Something big is coming!’” Kirsten said. “By any chance, do you know what he means by that?”

I shook my head no. “I guess you will find out soon,” I said.

Kirsten brought me a lot of pictures and began asking me if I’m helping this or that person on their case of finding out information they can use in court against the church. I did not recognize most of people and for those I did, I had no idea they had some sort of case going on, and was surprised that so many people were suing or wanting to sue the church.

“I was going to ask you something,” I said. “The dog that security has – is she trained to sniff for drugs?”

“Where did you get that from?” she asked.

“A Sea Org member told me that a dog was guarding the main building just in case Anonymous would try to plant drugs. Is that true?”

“What? A Sea Org member told you that? Oh! They have it all figured it out, don’t they? Did it ever occur to you that that dog could be someone’s pet? Who told you that?”

“I don’t remember,” I said.

She glanced at Moxon.

“Where is Tommy and Shelly?” I asked Kirsten, just to change the subject.

“What is she talking about?” Moxon asked.

Kirsten rolled her eyes. “Ah, she is asking where is Tommy Davis and Shelly Miscavage!”

“I think Shelly may be dead,” I said. “Or in the hole.”

“Yeah, right. Like the hole really exists. You’ve been reading Marty’s blog too much,” Kirstin replied, immediately switching into ‘Black PR Handling’ mode.

[‘Black PR’ – “black” (harmful or false) propaganda]

“I just hope she is not dead,” I said very sincerely.

“Oh my G-d! Shelly is not dead! She is on ‘special assignment’! And I just talked to Tommy this morning! He sent me a e-mail.”

“Can I see it?” I asked.

“Why? Why do we have to prove you anything?”

“Because Shelly is missing,” I said. “And since DM beats his staff, maybe he killed her.”

“Oh. My. G-d!” Kirsten exclaimed! “What do you think, he beats his staff out of the blue, everyday?”

“No, only once a month, when he has his period,” I wanted to say, but decided not to create antagonism.

“I work very closely with David Miscavage, I see him everyday. He does not just walk around and beat his staff! Marty Rathbun, on the another hand, beat up Mike Rinder and publically admitted it. David Miscavige does not beat me or anybody! Yesterday, you saw my body, did you see any bruises on me?”

I shook my head no. I could not argue with her being that yesterday she had on a sleeveless shirt.

“Maybe,” I said stubbornly, trying to win the argument, “maybe he is not beating on you for PR reasons!”

“Right, sure,” she nodded, “because I’m on public lines!”

I laughed. She did not think it was funny.

“We don’t have to prove you anything,” Kirsten said. “Why do we have to prove to you that David Miscavage does not beat people? Let’s say the police is coming to your house and accuses you of beating your kids. That would make you very upset, right?”

“Right,” I agreed.

“That’s exactly how we feel, when police are coming here and accusing us of G-d knows what! All these false police reports about ‘missing people’ who are not missing, and we are the ones who have to deal with that!”

“Okay, what about Heber Jentzsch? I did some research on him and found out he is still alive,” I said. “Is he in the hole?”

She interrupted me.

“Enough! Don’t even go there! I’m not asking why your kids were removed and placed in foster care, so don’t even go there!”

She got out of the folder my story that I’d written on ESMB a few years back, and held it in front of me. “I’m not even mentioning your writings and things you are accusing the Chaiman of the Board of!”

“I can tell you why my kids were removed,” I told her. “I have nothing to hide. It all started when I refused to put my daughter on ADHD medication…” I began.

“Your church should give you some CCHR lawyer,” she said, after listening to my story.

“Yeah, like they would help an ‘SP’,” I laughed.

“Most of the people who are in CCHR are not even Scientologists,” Doughney said.

“Are you kidding?” I told her. “Don’t you know that all orgs like Narconon, Criminon, CCHR and others are run by Scientologists?!”

Of course, she knew that. Everybody knew that.

“I just did not want my daughter on any narcotics,” I told Kirsten. “There are too many side effects. But I lost my case and they put her on it, anyway.”

“Here I agree with you,” Kirsten said. “I don’t think she should be on drugs. At least we found something we agreed on!”

She went to make some phone calls to figure out what to do next, and I went back to my room.




Chapter 9 – “They’re All Un-Friending You Now!”

“Oh, I know why,” said Moxon with a ‘Grinch’ smile. “I sent her a very nice letter, saying, ‘Please give the stolen documents back!’ And to others. They are running like rats from the ship now – that’s why they are all unfriending you on Facebook!”

Soon Moxon came to my room with a print-out of all my Facebook friends.

Dang, another flap on my part, I thought. I was sure my friends list was set the way that only friends could see my friends list. Maybe Aida messed up my settings by mistake, when she was deleting my messages. Or maybe I have a plant from OSA on my friends list.

“Look,” Moxon said, grinning at me, “almost half of your friends unfriended you! Here is the list of your friends before you got busted. This one is from yesterday, and this is now. Now we know that everybody who unfriended you has something to do with this operation.”

[SG note – see also my post to the Facebook group “Progressive Scientology” – re-printed here in the epilogue]

Sh##! I must find a way to let them know that unfriending me won’t benefit them! I thought. I must call Aida!

After he left, I dialed Aida’s number. She picked up right away. “Do me a favor,” she told me, “Never call me again! If you call me one more time, I will call police and tell them you’re harassing me!”

I held the phone, listening to the busy signals, trying process in my mind the concept of the words I’d just heard. (What the hell happened to “If you get caught, I will be bringing you home-cooked-meals-to-prison-everyday” promise?)

Kirsten phoned my room and asked me to come to the lobby.

“Tell me about Karen de la Carriere,” she asked me when I sat at the table with her and Moxon. “Did she ask you to distribute her letter?”


“Really? Then why did you send a message to your Russian buddy, saying that Karen wants you to put her letter under every door in every dorm?” she asked. “And here we have a text message from Eugene to you, asking you, ‘Are you sure Karen wants to do that?'”

I took a deep breath. I had to tell her something. Maybe something like this: “Well, I wanted to make lots of copies of Debbie Cook’s letter and Karen’s letter and put them in incoming baskets, to wake people up, but when I went to Aida’s house and talked to Karen on the phone, she told me it was a very bad idea. After I finished talking to her, Aida talked to her. I did not hear what they were talking about, but when she hung up, Aida said that Karen said that putting letters in incoming baskets was a bad idea, but putting them them under the door is a better idea.” I thought of saying all this – still being mad at Aida.

Kirsten patiently waited for an answer.

“Putting papers under the door is not really illegal,” I finally said. “In the worst case a person who would do something like that or advise somebody to do it, that can be found guilty of mutiny – that’s the best you can do, and only if he or she is in Sea Org!”

“I see you called your friend, Aida,” Kirsten said. “But you did not talk to her too long. What happened?”

“Aida said if I ever call her again, she will call police and file harassment charges!” I blurted, still being in shock by her response.

“Oh, I know why,” said Moxon with a ‘Grinch’ smile. “I sent her a very nice letter, saying, ‘Please give the stolen documents back!’ And to others. They are running like rats from the ship now – that’s why they are all unfriending you on Facebook!”

(Sh## – Aida must be thinking right now that I told them everything. No wonder she is so pissed.)

I felt ashamed of myself for thinking of telling them the above-mentioned story, so to make up for that I said, “I wanted to put Karen’s letter under people’s doors, but I could not print it out from any Sea Org computer, because the website had a block on it, so I asked Eugene to meet me and bring me copies, and he said he does not want to do it because it’s an overt, so I told him it was Karen’s idea – just so he will bring them to me.”

“Did Karen or Aida or anybody else ever threaten you that they would do something thing bad to you or hurt your kids, if you would tell us they were behind your plans?” Moxon asked.

“No, of course not!” I said. “As I said before, nobody ever asked me or threatened me to do anything for them. It was all my idea – just like I wrote in my affidavit.”

“I still don’t understand why you are protecting Aida, even after she told you she will call the cops on you – and why you are protecting Karen,” Kirstin said, “You don’t even know her!”

“I’ve read about what happened to her son and I think its just outrageous!”


“You mean, when Alex dropped his body?” Kirsten asked. “I agree, it was a big flap. Things like this should not be, and it probably upset you very much as a mother, but you don’t know the whole story!”

That got my attention “What’s the whole story?” I asked.

“You know only Karen’s side of the story. You don’t know that Karen was a very, very bad mother! She was neglecting her son!”

“Why are you telling me this?” I asked, deciding I don’t even want to know the rest.

“Because you are helping those people, thinking you are doing the right thing, and they are just using you. Do you think Aida or Karen will get you out of here? They took all your videos and pictures and left you here, and I don’t understand why you are taking responsibility for them.”

“Well, now they know you are busted,” Moxon said. “They will try to get rid of any evidence.”

“I bet all my friends are spreading all the videos and docs, posting them outside of the U.S.A., making lots of youtube accounts under fake names, spreading them like a wild fire, so it will be hard to tell who copied from who,” I said.

“Do you really think your friends are so smart?” Kirsten laughed. “You are giving them too much credit! They probably are having a big shredding party right now! And your buddy Eugene is hiding from us. We sent letters to everybody but him. I don’t know his e-mail or address. We can’t send it to him or serve him.”

I called Eugene. “OSA said you are hiding from them. What’s up with that?”

“Tell them to stop making up tales,” he told me. “I’m not hiding. I never hide. I work right near PAC base, and every morning, when I get out of the subway, on my way to work, I see a lot of Sea Org members. I always greet them, and they greet me back. I have nothing to hide. Tell them to call me if they want to have a conversation. I’m willing to communicate with them on any topic – for example, alterations of materials!”

I told OSA what he told me.

“Here is another affidavit to sign!” Kirsten said. “Forgot to bring it yesterday. This is the last one.”

I read the document she gave me. This time she added all my phone messages I sent to Eugene and all his messages back to me .

“Oh, one more thing, Eugene told me that documents I gave him were worthless and he destroyed everything,” I said. “I just forgot to mention it.”

“And you expect us to believe you?” Moxon asked.

“Yes. I won’t sign it unless you write it down!” I said very firmly.

Moxon shook his head at this foolishness, but added that paragraph. I read the document again.

“You forgot to write that Nancy did not know what was in the files and deleted without opening it,” I reminded him. “You wrote that on the affidavit before, but skipped this part on this one.”

“It says here: ‘She reluctantly accepted the information.’” Kirsten said.

“I don’t know what reluctantly means!” I told her. “I have an M.U! What if that means ‘gladly’? or ‘urgently’?”

[‘M.U.’ – misunderstood word]

“It means, ‘without knowing what it was’,” Kirsten said.

I decided to take her word for it, and signed the affidavit.



Chapter 8 – “Why Do You Want to Find Shelley?”

“I’m not here to destroy the church,” I said. “I even paid off all my freeloader debts before the whole GAT 2 thingy…” 

The next morning Kirsten phoned my room saying that there was somebody from Russia in the lobby wanting to talk to me.

“Just like before, we will turn the tape recorder on and record the conversation. She works for us. She wants to ask you something about some Russian squirrels. Also, Russian is your first language. I just want to make sure you don’t have any language barrier. Let’s do it in some public place – at that table over there. Her name is Yuliya.”

Good that I changed my name, I thought. Otherwise they would have to number us: yuliya1 and yuliya2 in transcripts of this conversation.


“I’m so excited to meet you!” Yuliya exclaimed, “I never in my life met a real spy before! Tell me, what made you to become a spy? I bet you were watching lots of spy movies?”

Oh, great! I thought to myself. She must’ve had profiled me as a narcissistic-sociopath, or sociopathic-narcissist – but whatever…

“I’m not a spy,” I said. “I’m here to find out what is going on, and why the church is acting so cultish and why Human Rights are being violated.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

“The church is starting to act more and more like a cult,” I told her. “All these new rules..”



“Tell us what we need to fix, so people like you won’t be able to infiltrate us anymore,” she asked, and I had to question if knowing my opinion was her real intention.

“There is nothing you can do to stop infiltrations, but to come clean. DM should go to some talk show and confess to the public about everything he has done, and then resign his post and let somebody else take his place. Under his leadership too many people were SP declared and too many families were disconnected.” (I’d checked the records, 4762 people were SP declared.)


“It’s a good idea if he really did something wrong, but what if he has not done anything what people accuse him of? Why do you want him to confess to crimes he has not committed?”

“He has a bad reputation. Most people think he beats his staff! He did so many out-ethics things – disconnected families – and never had any handling on that – never did any lower conditions and never made up the damage!”

“And how do you know that? How do you know that he never had any handling? Have you even met him? Why do you think he never did any lower conditions? You don’t know that!”

(I was going to make a joke that if DM ever did any lower conditions, then preservation of materials and rewriting the basics must be his ‘making up the damage’ step, and just before I voiced that joke to her, it hit me: OMG, maybe DM did some handling and in fact, ‘preservation of materials’ might be a part of his ‘Liability formula’ – or at least is how he would like to portray it to public!)

[‘Liability formula’ – a lower ethics condition formula that starts out with the step, ‘Make up the damages…’]

“Okay, anything else?” Yuliya asked.

“OSA should show Shelly Miscavige to the public. People want to know if she is okay. I came here, hoping I can find some information about her.”

“Why you want to find Shelly? Is she your relative?”

“Because public wants to know. People worry about her. Because there are rumors she is dead!”

“So what? Even if she is dead – I’m not saying that she is – but let’s say she is dead. How is it somebody’s business? Why does it matter?”

“It matters if she was abused or died in the hole. Some people have their kids in the Sea Org, and what mother would send her kid here knowing that DM’s own wife is missing!”

“All people die. I don’t understand – why when somebody dies in the Sea Org, people right away think the worst – he or she died ‘of abuse.’ I knew one very old Sea Org member – he died just recently. Does not mean he was abused – he was just old. I knew another Sea Org member – one day he was healthy and everything, and then the next day he had a stroke and I saw him in a wheelchair! So what? Sometimes it happens. Does not mean people are being abused!”

She got me there. I could not disagree with that.

“One more thing,” she said, “I need a list of states you’ve ever been to.”

I shrugged my shoulders, but wrote down a bunch of places where I’d never been, and added some places I did visit, just to make her happy.

“Oh, you have been in Texas?” she exclaimed, “I bet you went there to see Debbie Cook!”

I laughed.

“Why would I do that? I went there with my husband and kids on vacation,” I explained.

“Why did you not visit Debbie Cook, since you love her so much and sent her 1,000 dollars for her legal defense, and got others to send her money!” she asked and added, “You could’ve spent that money on your kids! And you did not even sent Headleys as much as you sent to her!”

“I thought she was awesome,” I said, and quickly changed the topic. We talked about my mission and the OTL, and all posts I had while I was on staff, and my experience in the Sea Org. She wanted to know how and why I joined Scientology, and why I left the Sea Org, and all my life story.

[‘OTL’ – Operations Transport Liason – a Hubbard term applied to remote organizations in foreign countries – in this case Russia]

We talked and talked.


We found out I knew her husband and some mutual friends, because just like me, she got in Scientology in the 90s, and was there from the beginning.

“You only was in the Sea Org for a little over a year – not even two years. What could you possibly see there that made you such an activist?” she asked

I told her about my friends and child abuse I’d seen, and forced abortions, and disconnections I observed, I even told her that nobody told me my grandpa died, and that they hid all letters from my mother.  I told her lots of things and I was surprised she did not asked me for any names, as if she did not want to know.

We took a little break for lunch , then Yuliya began asking me about squirrels from Russia, but I never met people she was talking about.She was mostly interested if I was in contact with someone named Dvorkin.

“I’m not here to destroy the church,” I said. “I even paid off all my freeloader debts before the whole GAT 2 thingy…”

[‘squirrels’ – a label used in Scientology to disparage anyone who practices the subject outside their official authorization]

[‘freeloader’ – by policy, and despite the fact the Sea Org member has worked for very little pay and long hours, all courses and counseling must be paid for at full retail public rate if you leave your staff position]

 [‘GAT 2’ – “Golden Age of Tech” – Phase II – a re-release of Hubbard’s technology to the public informing them that they must now buy the latest, “corrected” versions]


Then she changed the line of questioning and began asking me about my parents, my relatives, where they live and if anyone of them is involved in Scientology, and what my parents do for a living and how much money they are making and if they have a house or any real-estate.

[SG note – the above is disturbing in that the information was being collected for the purpose of developing “intelligence” on Lia’s family for developing “leverage” in dealing with her in the future]

I quickly changed the subject back to Russian squirrels. “The only two Russian squirrels I knew were Kudrin and Rebenkov,” I said. “They were active back in 90s, and I was sent by my ED to investigate them. I signed up for their courses and went to the Institute where Rebenkov was delivering auditing and training, I pretended to be one of his students and then wrote to RTC a detailed report about it and our interview, but you guys and RTC did not do anything about it- that’s all I know.”

She also wanted to know where all my ethics folders and pc folders and I had no idea. The last I’d heard, they were in Moscow but after the government had a raid on the church, they’d disappeared.

We talked a lot about how David Miscavage messed up LRH’s church and how independents want him to be replaced.  Deep inside I knew that L. Ron Hubbard himself was behind things David Miscavage was doing. Most of policies were written by him originally.  Of course, I did not tell her that. I was there, not trying to represent independents or critics, I was there by myself, trying not to get labeled or misunderstood. I did not tell her that I spent many days trying to locate original RPF order so I could post it all over the internet, because I promised that to Kenneth Urquhart. But the original order was gone for good, I went through a bunch of old Flag orders.

“So, you just a fighter for the truth, aren’t you?” she asked me. “You are not here to destroy the church but to make sure people know the truth and to make sure Sea Org follows the tech? Do you believe in the tech? Do you think the tech works?”

I thought for a second. There were lots of things I disliked about Scientology, and most of things I disliked did not began with DM, it started much earlier.  Independent Scientologists don’t follow the tech blindly and operate on “pick and choose” basis.  L.Ron Hubbard, himself, wrote a lot of outrageous things and I was well aware of that.  I even took pictures of some original orders he wrote.  But it did not mean his tech did not work.  The question was, what is the real goal of the tech.

“Yes, I believe in tech. I think it works,” I said.  And I was not even lying.




Continue reading

Chapter 7 – “Is All of ASHO Going to Be in Lowers?”

“Let’s just blow the Sea Org, and I’ll take you to Disney!” I blurted out…

The next morning Kirsten came to my room and furiously threw a phone cable on the desk. “Here is your f… – stupid phone cord! The hotel staff must have forgotten to hook it up to your phone!”

After she left I spent nearly an hour examining every inch of the room, trying to locate any bugs, but could not find any.

Just before I went to California, I memorized my phone card’s pin number just in case something like this were to happen, but when I dialed the 800 number of the card, the phone would not allow me to make this phone call. Bummer!

I had no choice but to call Aida directly. I called and warned her that if anybody calls her saying they know everything, they are just bluffing.   Shortly after that, Moxon called me at my room.

“Another lawyer wants to talk to you,” he said. “He is more knowledgeable in cases like this. And you can ask him any questions.”

The lawyer was almost bald, chubby, and about the same age as Moxon.

[SG – this describes Elliot Abelson, the attorney who coerced Debbie Cook to sign away her rights – which was all captured on video and became available to public due to court proceedings that followed]

 He did not really talk to me much, and he surely did not answer any of my questions. He had a short conversation with Kirsten over breakfast, and left. I never saw him again.

“Tell me something,” I asked Moxon. “That receptionist, who worked in the lobby last night – black woman. Is she a Scientologist? Does she work for you?”

“Oh, sure!” he said very grumpily, “Everyone in this hotel works for me! See those guys?” he walked to the window and pointed at the workers fixing the roof, “they all work for me, too, because I have so much money to give away!”

“Must be working for commendation,” I mumbled.

He did not reply, but I’m sure he’d heard me.

The rest of the day I spent with “girls” – but mostly Doughney, talking about her family, her childhood, growing up in Scientology, my art and photography, her hobbies, Harry Potter and Disney parks.

She told me that her parents took her to Disneyland once, when she was very young, and all she could remember is amazing fireworks in different shapes.

“The shaped fireworks are only on special occasions,” I told her.

“Well, I guess it was a special occasion. I was too young, I’m not sure,” she said.

I felt bad. I’d taken my kids to Disney World more times than I could remember – every weekend, every day off – every time we would just get bored and wanted to go out. They practically grew up in Disney, and were taking it for granted. Finally they got tired of the parks so much that sometimes I would say, “Let’s go to Typhoon lagoon!” and they would chose just to stay home and watch TV.

“Let’s just blow the Sea Org, and I’ll take you to Disney!” I blurted out at the dinner table, and for a second I thought I saw a sparkle in her eyes. But then she looked at Security lady, and quickly put her “I&R hat” back on.

“No, I will work really hard. And maybe, some day, on my libs, I will able to go to Disney.”

[‘libs’ – liberties – the promised, but rare, days or half days of free time awarded those Sea Org members with increasing production quotas and statistics]

She told me about her husband, and that they joined the Sea Org very young, and were there for a long time.

“Who is your husband?” I asked.

“Adam,” she replied.

“LRH Comm – Adam?”

[‘LRH Comm’ – the L. Ron Hubbard Communicator (representative) for a local Scientology Organization]

My jaw dropped because I just could not picture those two together.

“He must be very happy right now,” she said. “No wife around to nag him.”

“What do you like about him?” I asked.

“Oh, he is so creative! Always creates something, one time he invented a new flavor of ice cream by adding peanut butter in it! Very creative!”

I almost burst with laughter.  Sea Org members don’t have a lot of ice cream flavors – mostly only chocolate and vanilla, and only once a week, and if the statistics are high.

I had a lot of questions for her about growing up in Scientology, and she did not mind answering them but I felt she was not really truthful, because Security was around.  I wanted to ask her about contraception she is using because pregnancies and abortions were a normal thing in the Sea Org in my days.

I was going to ask her if they had a real honeymoon, but I already knew the answer: Its very hard, almost impossible to get time off in the Sea Org for longer than a day, and even if you perform great and find somebody to replace you while you’re gone, its takes forever to get it approved and by the time its approved, you don’t have a replacement or your stats are low.

“I bet you are getting lots of KRs about out-ethics things,” I said. “Don’t you ever have any doubts or wonder sometimes, why the things the way they are?” I asked. “I don’t have time for that,” she replied. “That’s not my game. My goal is to remove any suppression from the environment so I can see what stops people from having case gains – handle it so they can quickly move up to the Bridge.”

[“Bridge”- the sequence of spiritual progress that comprise the officially-charted Scientology route to “total freedom”]

 “What will happen to all of you guys after you return back to PAC?” I asked her. “Is all ASHO going to be in lower conditions?”

“There is nothing wrong with lower conditions,” Security said. “Situations like that help us to figure out why this happened in the first place, and handle it.”

Doughney agreed with her and then quickly changed the subject back to Harry Potter movies where she had very limited knowledge.

When I get out, I decided, I will send her all Harry Potter books, because it does not sounds like she has read them all.

Earlier, when Security was not around, I gave her my Infinity pendant on the chain. She politely took it and thanked me for it. (A few months ago, on the EPF, I gave this pendant to my unit leader Jena Barns, who, I felt was the coolest person ever and was like a sister to me but I guess she did not feel the same way because she gave it back to me, saying, “I don’t have anything to give you in return, but I have an idea: when you graduate EPF, and get on post, give it to your favorite person.” But you are my favorite person, I almost blurted out, but then decided not to say anything).

It’s always like this in the Sea Org.  Always requiring an “exchange.”

I was really surprised when Doughney took it because it violated new Sea Org policy about taking any gifts from people like me.


Chapter 6 – “Emergency! Need to Use Your Phone!”

“What could be so important at this time of the night?!” She said very rudely, and right at that moment I saw Daughney and Security running out of the hotel looking for me.

“This is my last good meal,” I announced at the dinner table, “prison food is really bad.”

“Well, then you better order something you really like,” Security said, laughing at my statement.

I ordered my favorite – barbeque chicken pizza and shared it with Daughney. I took the rest of the pizza to my new room (since Daughney moved out to Security’s room, and now I had a whole room all to myself) and I spent all day eating pizza, and watching TV. I finally got to change my clothes because I got my luggage back. I ordered some movies, dyed my hair, did every little thing I could to at least try to enjoy a few days of freedom I had left, before they put me in prison, then Kirsten came and spoiled everything by telling me that a computer guy wanted to check my Facebook messages and all e-mail messages of all e-mail accounts I ever had.

I was not worrying about my e-mail messages, because I had more e-mail accounts than I could remember and they weren’t that good with computers. I was not worrying about my phone messages either, because all important things were on my “other” phone – the one I sold just before I came to California, and had used the money to buy a new 4G phone. And so I knew for sure they would not able to find anything incriminating there – nothing more than they’d already found.

The only problem I had was my Facebook messages. I had several Facebook accounts at that time, and even though the MAA made me de-activate all my accounts with my new name, I still had one active one with my old name, and I just could not let him do that.

I said “No.”

Kirsten went to a meeting to find out what she could legally do about it, and if she could get a court order to check my messages. I went back to my room, racking my brains for how I could get somebody to delete them all.

I also had to make sure that my operation that I called “Mutiny 2013” was aborted. The plan was to receive a package full of critical books (about people leaving Scientology – people who shared their stories about their experience in the Sea Org and with David Miscavage), wrap them into tech book covers, and leave them all around PAC base – especially on the shelves of the staff college and the Qual library. Just before beginning this operation, I’d found out from the Cope Officer that packages at the PAC base were not being opened unless they looked suspicious. Covering books into Scientology book covers was my idea.

I hoped the package was not on its way yet, and the order was canceled by friends before it even was mailed, otherwise more people would get in trouble. I did abort that operation the same day I got busted, but never got any confirmation.

I needed a new plan. Not an escape plan – just a plan to get away for a few minutes – long enough to make a phone call.

The rest of the day I spent hanging out with Daughney, who came to my room to keep me company.

When everybody went to bed, I escaped from my room and ran to the elevator as fast as I could.

As soon I got off the elevator, I realized I’d forgotten my room key and that I’d probably locked myself out, but it did not matter.

“I have an emergency!” I told the front-desk lady. “I need to use the phone! Can I use this one?”

She stared at me. Nobody else was in the lobby.

“Ma’am – no, you cant! Go and use the phone in your own room!”

That really shocked me. I came from a town where a guest or customer was always right. I was pretty sure that in LA, must be the same thing.

“You see, there is a problem,” I said, nervously looking around, “the cords in my room are removed, and I really need to make a very important phone call! It’s like a life and death situation! Can I borrow a cord from this phone?” I asked, and not waiting for an answer, I grabbed the phone in front of me and unplugged the cord. “I will bring it right back!”

She abandoned her front desk and went after me.

“Ma’am I will have to call security. You can’t just take this cord from the phone – it belongs in the lobby! Please, wait a few hours, then the maintenance man will come and fix your phone first thing in the morning!” she told me, taking away the phone cord, and I wondered how come she did not even ask me for my room number.

I nervously looked around and ran outside. Some woman was standing by hotel door talking on her cellphone. I ran to her, “Excuse me, can I please use your phone for a second?” I asked.

“I’m in the middle of a phone call,” she said. “Wait!”

I stepped back, waited about a minute or two, but her conversation did not seem to be coming to an end.

Trying not to piss her off, I circled around her being ready to grab her phone as soon as she finished.

She ignored me and kept on talking.

I decided to remind her of my presence, carefully coming closer and closer, then finally shyly asked, “I won’t take too much of your time. It’s very important!”

“What could be so important at this time of the night?!” She said very rudely, and right at that moment I saw Daughney and Security running out of the hotel looking for me. How did they know I was not in my room? Front Desk Lady must have called and alerted them. Or the lady with the phone outside. She must be working for Moxon, too, I thought.

I decided not to argue, and obediently followed them back to my room.

“No more escapes like this,” Security said. “Get some sleep. Tomorrow you will get your cord.”

I got in my bed, plotting another plan.

In a few hours I peeked out of my room, making sure nobody was in the hallway, and took an elevator downstairs. I passed the front desk lady and ran outside, passing the fountains and some buildings. I ran and ran till I saw some office where phones would not be bugged, and the staff not bought by Moxon. I think it was some sort of sales office or doctors clinic – I could not see it clearly in the dark.

With a friendly smile, I walked up to the receptionist and politely asked to use the phone.

“Local phones only,” she said, not even asking why I was asking to use the phone in the middle of the night in my PJs.

I dialed Aida’s number – the only number I could remember from the top of my head.

“Listen,” I said, “I don’t have much time. Write down this Facebook password.” I gave her my password.

“What do you want me to do with that?”she asked. I turned around and saw Daughney through the glass door, coming towards me.

“Delete everything!” I said. “All my messages!”

“What?” she asked.

Daughney walked in and quietly stood behind me. Security lady came in next, and stood next to her.

“Are my kids okay?” I asked, hoping she would figure it out.

“I don’t understand! Do you want me to do something with your Facebook? To log in and post something?”

“No! I just want to know how my kids are doing!”

”Your kids? Your kids are fine, …I guess,” she said.

“How’s everybody?” I asked.

“I don’t know what are you saying!” Aida cried out, and I then whispered, “Delete everything,” and hung up on her.

“Just checking on the kids. Have to keep good communication with my family, for PR reasons,” I told Daughney.

Security lady did not move till I exited the building, being afraid I would start a big scene. I let them take me back to the hotel…






Chapter 5 – “How Did You Pass the Security Check?”

“Maybe we should get their security cameras?” Moxon offered, “See if she shows up in any of their footage.”

Right after breakfast, Kirsten and Moxon came in with lots of papers.

“My phone in the room has no cord!” I told them furiously.

“Let’s just finish this cycle, then we will talk about the phone,” Kirsten said. “Tell me how you passed a Sec Check.”

“Easy. Your new e-meters don’t even work, you need to get rid of them. I passed a Sec Check in Tampa, and several Sec Checks here,” I bragged.

“Oh, they did not tell you?” Kirsten asked.

“Tell me what?”

“You flunked a question, ‘Are you here to investigate Scientology?'”

“No way,” I said, “How come they let me in the Sea Org, then?”

“That’s what we will have to deal with!” Kirsten said.

I thought for a second, trying to remember how it happened.

Christine, the Sec Checker, must have been very tired, and really wanted me to join so bad that did not checked that question properly, or just let it slide. Now Kirstin said she will deal with it. What is that supposed to mean? Canceling her certs? Retraining? Lower conditions? Something worse? Dang, Christine just got married – she should be with her husband, not in lower conditions or on the RPF somewhere. I had to do something about it.


“That was not the Sec Checker’s fault,” I said. “I’ve been practicing for a while.”

“I took the Sec Checker course pack and learned everything I needed to know about Sec Checking and practiced a lot. I have lots of lists with questions.”

“And who gave you that list?” Kirsten asked.

“Ian Waxler did,” I said. Then I realized I’m volunteering too much information and to fix that, I added, “But he printed it off of the Internet. It was already in the public domain. And he never knew what I needed them for.”

“I see,” Kirsten said. “You told us you scanned many documents.What did you do with hard copies of the documents that you scanned?”

“I shredded them all. I was assigned to shred all org’s documents and while I was doing it, I shredded mines as well.Actually, I volunteered for that job!”

Kirsten smiled “Oh, I’m sure you did!”

“The documents I could not scan, I took pictures of them and saved them on my memory cards,” I added.

“And nobody saw you doing it? Nobody noticed that all this time you were downloading and scanning documents, you did not get any job done?”

“No,” I said.

“I see. We know that you met Aida Thomas twice. And you met Eugene twice. Did you gave them documents both times?”

“No, Aida just had a few videos, and some not important things, and Eugene had a couple of videos, and a few docs – they are not important either,” I said. ”I never gave them anything of value. Everything that was important went to netload.in! Now, let’s talk about the phone cord!”

“Let us decide what’s important and what’s not,” Kirsten interrupted me. “Something you may think is not important, for us may have value. We know you had four flash drives. One you gave to Aida when you went to her house, another one you gave to Eugene to send to Nancy, and another you also gave to Aida when you gave her the bag. So what happened to the last flash drive?”

I looked at the ceiling, wishing for it to collapse and give me amnesia so I wouldn’t have to answer those questions and get more people involved, but the ceiling was looking down at me – all white and strong – and was not planning to collapse at all. I had to make up some story – quick!

“The flash drive number 4 went to some lady that I don’t even know,” I said, “I left it for her in the fast food restaurant… I think… it was Wendy’s or Burger King… and I left, she came and got it. I did not really have a chance to see her well.”

“How do you know she took the flashdrive?” Kirsten asked.

“I saw her taking it,” I explained.

“Oh, you did see her!”

“What did she look like?” Moxon asked.

“Well…” I began, “Blond, not too skinny, not too fat, not too tall, not too short…”

“Well, average then? It could be anybody!” Moxon exclaimed out of desperation.

“She said ‘blonde’ – now at least we have some description,” Kirsten reminded him.

“How does she know you or where to go?” Moxon asked.

(I did not have time to think of that, and nothing came up to my mind. How do I know her? How does she know me? How? How? How? No ideas! Facebook? Then how come I don’t know her name? They will ask me for Facebook message from her, then it will lead them to my other Facebook messages. No, Facebook is a bad idea. How do I know her?! How? Met her through a mutual friend? I began brainstorming all my friends…)

Kirsten decided to help me out. “Is she a friend of Aida Thomas?”

(What should I say? Should I drag more people into this mess? Aida is already in trouble. I will think about how to get her out of this mess, later, I decided.)

“Yes,” I sighed with relief.

Kirsten smiled.

“Tell me something. By any chance, does that woman have really large breasts? So huge that it’s really hard to miss her, or to confuse her with anybody else!?”

“No, that was not Karen!” I said firmly.

“When and how did you meet her? How did she know to meet you at the fast food place?”

“Well, …what’s today? June, the 1st? Well, on May 29th, I called Aida…” I began, plotting my story, really hoping Aida had some alibi for that evening. “I told her I have a flashdrive she may be interested in, but she told me she does not want any docs stolen from the church and she has something wrong with her leg (she always has something wrong with her leg), so she is not coming. I asked her if she knows anybody who would be interested in it, and she hooked me up with that lady. She said she does not want to get in trouble by helping me anymore, but that lady does not care about getting in trouble – she is not afraid of anybody – so she would come and get it. And she never told me her name.”

“I don’t know…” Moxon said, looking at Kirsten for guidance. “It seems to me she is just sending us on a wild goose chase. Does that woman even exist?”

“Yes, she does!” I said, trying to sound more certain. “Aida said to leave the USB drive on the table and that lady will send it to lots of people and they all will spread it like wildfire all over the Internet using fake names, and post it outside the country. Aida said she does not want to get herself involved in doing anything illegal, but that lady does not care!”

“Okay,” Kirsten said, “We will get some lunch, and you too – go eat something with the girls, we will see you in an hour.”

After lunch she came back with a lot of pictures of blonde ladies.

“Does she look like the woman who took the flash drive?” She asked me, handing me one of the pictures. I glanced at it.

“No, that’s Tory Christman!” I said,returning her the photo “she does not want me to be here!”

“What about this one?”

“That’s Candy. Candy would never do that!”

“That’s Candy Swanson?” Kirsten asked, clearly being surprised, and I realized I’d just helped them with identity recognition. Dang!

I kept going through pictures of lots of blondes, most of which I did not even know, wondering for how long they would continue this nonsense. Finally I looked at the last photo and handed them back to Kirstin, “Nope – none of them.”

Then she brought me pictures from Aida’s parties printed from Facebook and we went through all the blondes there.

“Maybe we should get their security cameras?” Moxon offered, “See if she shows up in any of their footage.”

“Don’t waste your time and money,” I said, “when I left the flashdrive, I made sure it was at the corner table – there are no cameras there.”

“Okay, here is what we will do,” Kirsten said. “Here is all the documents you took, and I want you to make four piles. Here you put everything you gave to Aida when you went to her house. Here is what was in the bag when you got caught. Here is what Eugene sent to Nancy, and here is what you gave to a blonde woman.”

Do they really think I’m a retard? I thought. All I have to do is put all top secret files, like videos of Suppressive people, videos of briefing and staff meetings, orders of the day, lists of bodies in the shop, list of students currently on course, list of freeloaders, list of blown students, list of people who owe money to the church, Captain’s BPs and all other important staff, in the blonde lady’s file, leaving Eugene, Nancy and Aida with some worthless crap nobody would miss.

“Well, it looks like blond lady scored!” Kirsten announced, looking at a big pile of papers. I realized I should make piles more even, so I added a few more worthless docs to Nancy’s and Aida’s, trying to even it up a little.

“Okay, now initial every page,” Kirsten said. Moxon came back with another document for me to sign. This time my affidavit had names.

“I can’t sign it,” I said. Remove the names, then I’ll sign it.

“But come on, we have been through this before!” Kirsten exclaimed. “We have all the evidence, even if we remove the names. We know who those people are!”

I looked through the pages. She gave me several similar affidavits, with different names. I made a childish attempt at not signing it, by distracting her and removing some pages when she was not looking, and hiding them under the table. But she quickly bent over, picked up hidden pages, and put them back in piles.

“Come on, is not it obvious? You really think I’m that dumb? Just confront it! You know you did it!” She looked through the papers I did not want to sign. “Well, well, well. What is wrong with all these pages that you neglected? How come you deprived them of your beautiful signature?”

I burst out with laughter, “They don’t deserve it!” I said. “A bunch of lies, a lot of things that I never told you, and everything I said – not even here!”

“Okay, we can fix that! What do you want to take off or add?”

I took one of the documents.

“Nothing in paragraph 1, 2, 3 and 4,” I said, reading. “Okay, paragraph five – you forgot to mention, all people I called from Aida’s phone told me not to do it. Aida was in the kitchen. She did not even know who I was calling; she was making me lunch… and make sure you write this down – that all those people I called told me never call them again.”

“Did any of those people know about your plans before you called them?” she asked me.

“No! Of course not! I even was not sure I could get in the Sea Org, so I did not want to get their hopes up!”

“Okay, what else?”

“Number six. Ian Waxler never gave me any Sec-Checks himself. His e-meter broke down. He sent me to some guy named George, and all Ian did was just have me get the question list that he printed out from the Internet – that’s all. It’s not a crime to give somebody something printed out of the Internet that is already a public domain.”

“Okay, we will fix it. What else?”

“Take all this part about Karen out, because that’s not true. And also, you did not put that Scott Gordon changed his mind and told me not to do it – that stealing docs was a bad idea but I did it anyway!”

“Is that it?” she asked.

I kept reading the affidavit – racking my brains out – to find ways to make it less damaging.

“Oh, here is another thing. You wrote here that Nancy Many accepted the zipped folder. Make sure you fix it and write here, ‘She accepted it without knowing what it was.’ That’s extremely important, because why does she has to get in troubles when some crazy people send her privileged information against her will and don’t even tell her what was in that folder!?”

Kirsten left, then came back with the rewritten affidavit. I read it. “You forgot to mention that Scott Gordon changed his mind!” I reminded her. “And Nancy!”

“Ah, yeah, let’s go and re-write it again. Let’s kill some more trees!” she exclaimed, like it was supposed to make me feel guilty. But she went to do as she said.

She came back with the affidavit, and only then I finally signed it.

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