Chapter 12 – “You Are Going Home”

“Go home, get your kids back, and be a mom! That’s the most rewarding job, ever!”- Scientology Security personnel

Daughney and I were sitting in the lobby. I got permission to use the computer. Finally I was able to reset my password and to log in to my Facebook. Not only all my messages were gone, but I suddenly found myself being blocked by many people and locked out of many groups – even my own.

Doughney indifferently looked at the screen.

“A friend wants to know if OSA is trying to recruit me,” I told her, reading a new message that suddenly emerged in the chat.

“Of course not,” she said.

“Of course not,” I obediently wrote back, “I’m possibly getting sued.”

I knew most Sea Org members don’t know much about the Internet and computers. In fact, they think that half of the world are Scientologists already, and all they do is watch their commercials all day long.

Daughney had some experience with computers, and knew what she needed to know related to her post, but that’s all she knew.


Taking advantage of the fact that she did not know much about forums and boards, I made a post on the Ex-Scn Message Board, trying to duplicate the affidavit I wrote the best I could (I did not have my copies at that time) and titled it, “Please Read but Don’t Reply Here,” hoping to get my message across. “Don’t post the damn videos and docs yet till I’m out! (You know who you are).”  But when I checked replies a few hours later, nobody had taken it seriously.  I did not delete my post, just in case, sitting and hoping for some sign or a message that everything was in a safe place.

“Well, now everybody knows you got busted. You went to Facebook, did whatever you had to do to convince them it’s really you, and now all of Facebook knows you are in this hotel. Am I right?” Kirsten asked me when she saw me by the computer in the hotel lobby.

She has not checked ESMB yet, I thought.

“Our computer people are monitoring ESMB, WWP and Facebook very closely,” she told me. “None of your videos or pictures have been linked yet. We will wait. We have plenty of time.”

I knew that if some videos were linked, it wouldn’t be something that I recorded while I was on staff.  My EPF videos were gone for good.

“So, what are you going to do with me?” I asked. “Are you going to keep me here until everybody will return stolen docs? What if they will never return them?”

“I don’t know,” Kirsten said. “You will go home, eventually. We just need some information from you. You really have to cooperate with us. So far we have been treating you with courtesy and respect.”

What is that supposed to mean? I thought.  From now on they won’t treat me with courtesy and respect?

“I have an important hearing coming up about my kids. If I you make me to miss that hearing, I will drop my body.” I made the threat.

[‘drop a body’ – die; suicide]

“I would not recommend doing that,” Kirsten said with amazing TRs. “Even if your parental rights were to get terminated, one day your kids will grow up and will be 18, and then no law in Florida can stop them from living wherever they want to live and if they want, they can live with you! And you still can have a relationship with them! When is your hearing?”

“June the 7th,” I said.

“That’s not the end of the month, as I had thought. That changes things!”

Kirsten suddenly had to go to the meeting and left me with Security lady, who did everything she could to keep ARC with me that would prevent me from dropping my body.

[‘ARC’ – the interaction of Affinity, Reality and Communication]

“Your kids need you,” she said. “Your daughter really needs you. She is seeing a shrink and on ADHD medications. You need to do whatever you can to get her out of foster care and get her off those meds! And quit this spy business, please. Don’t infiltrate anymore churches – it’s too dangerous. Go home, get your kids back, and be a mom! That’s the most rewarding job, ever!”

I could not agree with her more. I began showing her Facebook pictures of my kids. She sounded very sincere when she complimented them. I clicked on some of my YouTube videos, wondering if she really thought they were so cute, or was it just an act. She seemed to be enjoying it.

Then she got a text message and left, leaving me by myself. I logged in to ESMB and read comments on my post. I replied to some. There were no indications from anybody who could possibly download the videos before the computer guy deleted them.

“Okay, we are done here,” Kirsten said when she returned. “You are going home!”

“What?!” I asked, “No Sec Check?”

“No, you are going home.”

I sighed with relief.  Since I found out I’d flunked the question, I no longer had a certainty I could pass another Sec Check easily. “Here are the copies of your affidavits. You can stay in your room – it’s still paid up.”

She took Kendrick Moxon’s business card and wrote her e-mail address on it.

“Here – in case you remember something that can help us.”

I automatically took the card and put it in my purse.

“Do you have enough money for a plane ticket?” she asked.

I had money she had given me for my cameras and a scanner and some money saved up for the time I worked in Sea Org. I was going to ask her for more, but changed my mind.

“The airport shuttle stops right there. We don’t see any reasons to keep you here any longer. Girls have already left.”

They left? When? I asked myself. Just like that, without even saying ‘good bye’? Just when I began making a connection with them?

Wondering what made her change her mind, and if my suicide threat had anything to do with it, I went to my room to pack my luggage.

I still could not believe I was free to go. I have to get out of here fast, I thought. Before they change their mind.

When I opened the door, I almost stepped on some papers that somebody must have stacked under the door. I picked them up, and saw it was a room service bill with Moxon’s name on it. It had all the phone numbers of calls that were made from my room.

Good! I thought. At least now I have proof that all this nightmare was not just my imagination.

While packing my stuff, I noticed something shiny at the corner of a dresser. As I came closer, to my dismay I realized it was my necklace, with the pendant in the shape of infinity.


(room bill)


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